In Trouble, Deep

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1990

I don’t know what you were thinking!” gasped my mother.

I wasn’t even eighteen and I had made a terrible, terrible mistake. Tragic, in fact. I lay with the covers over my head, tears streaming down my face, listening to Madonna’s Papa Don’t Preach.

It had all started when I went to Wembley with my brother and some friends. It was the Blonde Ambition tour. I met Joe there. He was a huge fan. I just wanted to impress him.  I just wanted him to be my boyfriend.  I thought that was the way, so I went along with it, much to my regret now. He said all the girls my age were doing it, so I bowed to peer pressure and did it too.

Now my mother was ashamed of me and, as I looked in the mirror, I was ashamed of myself. Ashamed and embarrassed. What had I been thinking? The luminous orange colour of my hair was cringe-worthy! I wished I could turn the clock back. I’d never had bought that bottle of peroxide…

Cat and Mouse

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kitten_hunting

The kitten jumped high in the air, paws pouncing down on its find. He grasped the object in both teeth, tossing it up into the air. A swipe brought it back down again before it could even land, or run away and escape him.

He held it tight within his clutches, head bowed low, growling fiercely at his big brother who walked passed without a second glance or care for whatever the kitten had found. It tried to get away from him. He let it. For a little while. He toyed with it, chasing it to the end of the room and back. It would never get away from him. It was his.

Fangs protruded from beneath the kitten’s upper lips, biting down ferociously. He shook his prey from side to side, crunching down on its hard exterior. The red liquid oozed across the carpet.

Kizmet!” came a shriek, as his human looked on in horror, hurrying frantically to retrieve the ruined red pen from the clutches of her feline companion.

Fire

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Goddesses_Pele_GoddessofFire

FIRE

Fire. The eternal passion. It burns throughout the universe, never dying. Existing everywhere, without which all meaning would completely cease. Its universal capacity to ignite life in each corner of the cosmos, from the largest sun to the smallest atom. Look up to the stars, so far away, and feel them reflect their dance within your own soul, their heat kindling and stirring your own energies. Feel the warmth in your heart, mind, entire being.

As above, so below.

Being irrelevant

Well-written and very humorous article on the aftermath of the IndyRef.

weegingerdug's avatarWee Ginger Dug

Yeah! We’re irrelevant again. So we had this wee referendum thingy and Scotland scared the shiters out of the Westminster establishment – which was a lot of fun – and the UK media and political classes have gone back to ignoring us in the hope we don’t go away. Now they’re far too busy talking about UKIP, English devolution, and starting World War Three to bother themselves over much about Scotland. And there was me thinking that George Robertson had told us that it would be Scottish independence that started that. I must have missed something. Anyway, Scotland now gets to sit unobtrusively at the back of the class watching World War Three start without it being our cataclysmic fault, and we can plot how escape the clutches of the Westminster system without anyone paying us too much attention, which is pretty much the situation we’ve been in for the…

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Gringo: Friend, Not Foe

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Gringo looked quite like this handsome boy.

Gringo looked quite like this handsome boy.

I’ve got a strange, but true, shaggy dog story for you. I know it’s true, because it really did happen to me. It’s not necessarily supernatural but it’s odd nevertheless. I realise that I’m a writer, so it’s my job to make something sound exciting. However, on this occasion it does not take any imagination. I am writing the events down exactly as I remember them.

It all happened when I was on the travel requirement for my classics degree. Myself and two companions had back-packed the first couple of weeks round Greece and then moved on to Italy. We crossed on an overnight ferry to Bari (just above the heel) and from there to Pompeii. It was here that the strange events took place. We were camping across from the ancient site and had woken up early to visit Pompeii.

Outside the site there are a few stalls and places to sit and have breakfast. We had just finished and got up from our seats. We were moving through the yard between the few stalls when – it all seemed to happen so quickly on one hand, but time slowed down on the other – about four wild dogs appeared from nowhere and made a circle around me, snarling. My companions had managed to duck out of the situation and made a dash for it.

I stood, terrified. In front of me was this half-blind, slevering (Scottish!), cross-collie. It had me in its sights. I really believed, knowing that I was in the middle of a wild pack, I was done for. I was going to get torn apart by wild dogs outside Pompeii. This was the end of the line for me. As that thought settled unnervingly, I began to be aware of a new sensation. Behind my right leg, I felt this low rumble and the heavy breath of an animal. It was right behind me. With a sinking heart I looked slowly and warily over my right shoulder, and down towards the ground. There, out the edge of my eye, I could see this big brute of a dog. It was large, black and muscular. I tried to remind myself not to feel fear. I’d heard animals smell fear. As I slowly turned back to keep my eye on the half-blind collie in front of me, I felt the rumbling growl grow louder and louder. It became deafening.

Before I knew what was happening, the large black dog head-butted me behind my right knee. A stall holder who had been watching, horrified, ran out and caught me before I landed on the ground. As we both watched, the large black dog overpowered the other dogs and chased them all off. It had been protecting me. They all ran off into the ancient site.

My companions and I regrouped. We visited the ancient site of Pompeii – which I’d recommend if you’re in the area – and then got a bus to Naples after lunch. Unfortunately, my day didn’t get any better as I was mugged by two guys on a motorbike who stole my passport, bank card and the cash I’d just taken out. My friends took me for dinner to Sorrento, after we reported it to the police. I was feeling very miserable as I walked with them back through the campsite when we reached Pompeii later that night, but just then I was joined out of nowhere by the large black dog who had rescued me from the pack of dogs that morning. Much as I love animals I tried to get him to go away, but he wasn’t having any of it! My friends found it amusing. I was being protected by a strange dog, for no apparent reason other than just because.

What my friends didn’t know, and what may be of no particular importance whatsoever, is that I am a devotee of Hekate and her totem animal is the black dog. I’m also a huge animal lover and do what I can to help any animal I can. Maybe my canine friend sensed this affection I have, but, for whatever reason, he guarded me all night. When my friends had gone to sleep, myself and my self-appointed guard dog sat outside the tent. It was well after midnight. He kept me company as I smoked a cigarette – I’ve given up that bad habit! – and I tried to explain to him that I didn’t really have anything to give him except a peanut biscuit, which he gratefully accepted. I should have come up with a better name for him, but I decided to call him Gringo. It was a name of affection my brother used to use all the time for ‘foreign’ friends. It came to mind. That was the only reason I used it.

Gringo was still there when we got up the next day. He sat and watched us pack up our tent, and then he walked us up to the train station, marching closely by my side, barking warnings at every single car and person that passed by. He seemed quite ferocious to everyone else, except me. To me, he was only ever gentle and affectionate. Once he’d seen me safely to the station, I watched him run off into the ancient site of Pompeii, with mixed feelings of both happy affection for a chance friendship with a special animal who had saved my life and protected me during the night, but also deep melancholy, knowing that I’d never see him again.

I still feel a little bit emotional thinking about Gringo as I write this, and I was reminded of him today when the mythology of the black dog came up in conversation. There have been various accounts of more supernatural black dogs appearing, often with not as nice tales as the one I’ve just recounted, but I’ve always believed that fear distorts the truth of many supposedly evil things. There was something very powerful about Gringo, which was quite unnerving, I have to admit. Nevertheless, he was there to protect rather than harm. Well, he was there to protect me at least.

Further reading on the supernatural Black Dog Mythology:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barghest

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Shuck

Half-way to Paradise

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Creative writing class exercise.

red-wine-think (1)

I sat sipping a pinot noir in the wine bar at the end of Ashton Lane.  I used to go here when I  was a student.  In those days I knocked back cider and could drink anyone under the table.  Nowadays , I was a little more demure and sophisticated.

“Can I get you another?”  I looked up, distracted from my memories.  The waiter’s eyes twinkled back at me, almost like he knew what I was remembering.  He’d probably seen this look of reminiscence from a thousand customers.  I was about to answer, but my words caught at the back of my throat.  Astonished, I dropped my glass to the floor and vaguely heard it crash.

At the other end of the bar was someone I had not seen in a very long time.  My heart swelled.  Then it sank almost as quickly.  He would never talk to me, even if he did recognise me.  My eyes stung a little.  If only he knew the truth, he would forgive me.

I took a deep breath and got up from my seat.  The walk to his table seemed to take forever.  In fact, it had taken forever.  It had taken fourteen years and a chance encounter to tell this man the truth.  Every single one of those days was etched into my memory.  The loneliness, the solitude, the heart break; suffering a jail sentence for a crime I never committed.  But would he believe me?  The moment I had feared my entire life was happening right now.  I almost walked out the door, but kept going.

Mark Twain said “Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain”.  Now at least one fear is gone.  One truth has been told.  I’m half-way to Paradise.

Last Night

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Started a writing course today!  Here is our first creative writing exercise using automatic writing (not the spooky kind!).  We were given the first sentence (in italics) and had to write for seven minutes without stopping.  This is what I came up with.

* * *

exam-stress_377x171_77995204

The books in the library were opened at page three, but Suzanna could not think of work today.  Her head was filled with thoughts of all that had happened the night before.

Who would believe the daylight would change everything?  Who would believe the events that had unfolded?  She closed her eyes, both wanting to remember it all so vividly and, at the same time, trying to forget so her tutor wouldn’t wonder why she was not reading like everyone else.

But she wasn’t like everyone else in the room.  She never would be again.  The memories crashed in around her and she excused herself, making a hasty exit to the toilets where she bolted the door securely and threw herself on top of the rim.

Once she had stopped being violently sick and the waves of nausea had disappeared, Suzanna picked herself slowly up off the floor.  Back outside, she made her excuses to her tutor.  He nodded, with a worried expression.  It was clear to everyone in the room she was very ill.  Little did they know why, and it was best for them all that they never found out.